Pant, pant, pant! I told She-Who-Must-Be-Adored that running was 80% mental and 50% breathing. She gave me “the look”. Guys, you know which look I received. The one we might think after looking at an English bulldog. It is the oxymoron (with the emphasis on “moron”) look. You know which one. It is the look that says, “It’s kinda of cute that you are so ugly”.
Pant, pant, pant! I ran outdoors for W3D1 and it sure felt good not running around that 1/11 mile track. You have to make 44 left turns just to go a mile. And, it is really a big morale deflator when a blue-haired grandma looking woman in pink spandex laps you for the third time. As she passes you by, she gives you here “there, there sonny” looks and kinda of wiggles her head in a sideways nod. After she passes you, you want to hold up one finger in support of her geriatric efforts but can’t raise your arms passed your waist.
Pant, pant, pant! They really expect me to jog for 3 continuous minutes during week three? My goodness, they think more highly of my abilities than I do. I’m dying here! My breathing routine is to forcibly exhale every other time my left foot plops on the floor. Sometimes, sweat or spittle is caught up in the air that is expelled and may spray those close to me. If you are within 15 feet of me, not only will you hear my imitation of a old-timey locomotive with a busted boiler, but you will most likely get sprayed.
Huff and puff, huff and puff, huff and puff! What, my three minutes walk time is up already and I have to start running again? So soon?
Pant, pant, pant!
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Hilarious post! Thanks for the grins. Getting into shape is so painful on so many levels. BTW, I'm working on that swim blog you suggested...
ReplyDeleteI look forward to the swim blog even though I do not swim very often. I do not swim because I'm afraid of people running up with harpoons in hand to hurl at me to allow them to beach me and harvest my blubber.
ReplyDeleteLet us know the URL of the swim blog when you are ready.